Inspiration Monday VIII

Well this post is extremely last minute, but I have an excuse (not a surprise, I always do).  School is almost out, Easter weekend was busy and to be honest I really was so tired I couldn’t even write.  So, here’s a couple of takes on it.  One isn’t really a story, more of a random couple paragraphs on my thoughts.  The other is a story, but it’s not entirely complete, more of a clip from a book I sometimes work on when I’m stuck on my real book.

To explain the piece below, I liked the prompt that BeKindRewrite posted, ‘his revenge was different than I expected’ but all it made me think of was the Count of Monte Cristo (it happens to be one of my favorite books, though I haven’t read it in awhile) so the piece kind of turned into what I view the book as.

His Revenge


His revenge was different than I expected. Less openly angry and more coldly calculated.

He endured fourteen years of prison and misery to get to it, I thought for sure the man I once knew would be all too eager to taste his revenge. But his trials had changed him. He no longer cared what happened to him, so long as he would have his vengeance before he died. Fourteen years in prison he followed with ten years of studying and preparation. Studying of those who cased his misery, preparing by becoming immune to pain and poison. And when he had finished this harsh school, he came for his revenge.

I watched as he attacked each of them, oh so slowly he exacted his price. His method was nearly barbaric, ripping away first their wealth then their love. Until when all they wished for was death, he pretended to grant their wishes, only to doom them to a life without escape.

But the worst was the revenge he took on his lover. For the woman he loved had waited a mere eighteen months before marrying his enemy. For that woman he planned living terror, taking first her rich life, then her husband, and finally he went to take her son.  But something happened.  He couldn’t do it.  He left the son to her, left her with the poor life she would have had.  And when she begged to have him back, he disappeared forever from her life.

Someone Else

My black eyes flash as Elyse shoves a shirt and some earrings in her purse.

“No.” I say, grabbing her wrist. When she gives me a weird offhand glanced I explain, “I already got busted once, I go to juvie if it happens again.”

“Oooo a woman with a record?” She teases and I feel the urge to knock the grin off her face. Then she stops and says seriously, “Doesn’t matter. I’m doing it. Not you.”

I roll my eyes but don’t move to stop her. “Your funeral.”

She grins and heads out the door.

Once upon a time, I probably would have tried to stop her. But that was then, and back then, I used to be someone else.

I used to be the girl who had it made. I got the grades, had a perfect boyfriend, never cussed much. Now look at me. I can’t go four hours without a fix. I dropped out of high school. My parents kicked me out. What happened? I don’t even use my real name, instead I’m known only as Darcy.  The girl I used to be, Tony Donavan (don’t ask what possessed my mother to name me that, I don’t know) is all but gone. But every once in awhile, in moments like this. I think of the way I used to be someone else.


About Jinx

I'm a writer, what else is there to tell?

10 thoughts on “Inspiration Monday VIII

  1. Your first story feels complete to me as a shot story but I would enjoy reading it and seeing how the mind of the revenger works if you ever expand.

    Your second story is sad because it seems she is looking back and still longing for her old life but stuck here now.

    I enoyed reading both!

  2. Jinx says:

    I didn’t really think of either as a full story, more of half scribbles that I couldn’t get right.

  3. Is that really how Count of Monte Cristo ends?? The movie was a little different. (It’s one of those on my “to read” list.)

    I love the way you describe his methods as barbaric – and we assume a brutal murder – and finish off with “ripping away first their wealth then their love.” Then the murder that they ask for. Powerful.

    The glimpse that you offer in your second story is a really interesting contrast with the first; one, a life destroyed by others, the other, a life destroyed by herself.

    I’m glad you got it in before zero hour! I would have missed reading your stuff. : )

  4. Jinx says:

    Yes, I hate the movie because in the book he actually ends up with someone else. I won’t ruin anymore though, you definitely have to read it.

    I’m just black and white. I do total opposites all the time.

    Thanks, it’s good to know that. 😉

  5. Kay Camden says:

    This makes me want to read Count of Monte Cristo!

  6. I like ’em both. I must admit that I haven’t read The Count of Monte Cristo…sigh. I’ll have to read it now. I rather liked the ending of the movie though because I like redemption themes. 😀

  7. There is an anger that simmers below the surface in the first one that is catchy. It is a story in itself, but it raises questions about what shape the fulfillment of the revenge might take.

    The second one is very sad. There is a hopelessness about it that asks the question: what is the source of the hopelessness?

    Good stories! 🙂

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