This piece is dedicated to my cousin, Austin.  Currently he is in the hospital, with such severe health problems that all the doctors and specialists could do for him was drug him with morphine and he is starving to death right now because his stomach cannot digest anything.  I never got it right, even though I really wanted to.  It proved to be a little out of my reach to write fiction based on real events.  But it’s decent at least so I thought I’d show it to you all anyway.  It never got a name, so really this is just it.


Danielle pressed her eyes shut, making a futile attempt to shut out her surroundings.  It was all too familiar, the doctor’s grim voice, Shane’s hand gripping her own and seeking the strength they both lacked, even the beeping of those horrible machines that kept her poor baby alive.  Why me?  Why me and why him?  Her mingled thoughts and prayers cried out so many times of late.

“Mrs. King?”  The doctor, a soft spoken woman in her fifties, rubbed Danielle’s back comfortingly.

Danielle looked at her with red eyes encircled with black and blue from lack of sleep.  Her voice choked as she whispered, “Is he going to make it?”

* * * * *

Danielle and Shane were typical parents with a typical child.  At just under a year old, Maks was bursting with happy energy and always ready to play.   His excited babbles were sprinkled with new words every day and Danielle had made a point to record every one of them.  She knew someday she’d be so happy she had.

Maks had been perfectly healthy, until that thrice cursed day, a few days after his one year well child exam.  Then suddenly she and Shane noticed, he wasn’t chewing his food anymore.  He no longer babbled incessantly, reciting the names of colors and foods.  Something had gone terribly wrong.

* * * * *

The doctor hesitated and Danielle knew instantly, the answer she would receive.  The words from her lips still shocked some part of Danielle that until then, had refused to believe.  “I’m sorry.”

How could this happen?  Why God?  Why do you have to take him?  Can’t you let me die in his place!?  She begged silently.  After so many years of pain, you choose to take him now?  If you had to take him why not when he was one?  Not now, seven years later. 

Smoky blue walls.  Maks wanted to be in the room with the smoky blue walls.  He didn’t know what to call them.  But when they moved him out of this room he immediately screamed.  Danielle still remembered the pangs of motherly instinct and love that had miserably shot through her body that day. It was the only way he could communicate with the many attendants that care for him.  It wasn’t fair to him, how could things have gotten this bad?

Now her baby’s body was slowly shutting down.  He’d never get to play like the other kids.  I promised him he would play with the other kids.  He should be playing with other kids.  Instead he had spent a life attached to tubes and wires.  Tubes and wires that kept him alive.  And before that was the drugs.  So doped up that he had no hope of interaction with her or anyone else.

She had never believed that people really do rip their hair out in grief and frustration, but apparently she was doing it because when she next stopped crying long enough that the tears cleared and she could see again, she was holding two handfuls of her hair.  But what else could she do?  Her son was dying.  He was dying the slowest most painful death in the world.  He was starving to death because in order to give him a feeding tube, the doctor has to put him under.  To put him under meant to put him under forever.  There was nothing they could do anymore.  She would have to watch as they drugged him once more.  This time with morphine.  Morphine to ease his passage.


About Jinx

I'm a writer, what else is there to tell?

11 thoughts on “Austin

  1. swimmerchic23 says:

    Wow. This reminds me a lot of when my great grandma died. There wasn’t much we could do and she was in ICU hooked up to tubes and things that basically were keeping her heart beating because her body couldn’t do it anymore. We let her go though because she said if she couldnt stay alive by her own power she wasnt meant to be there.
    Great job. I could feel your sadness.

  2. It is truly an awful thing as a parent to feel helpless, that experience I have had and you portray that well in this piece. Feeling hopeless however, I have fortunately never really experienced as a parent and hope I never do. I feel you have captured that in this piece too!

    • Jinx says:

      I’m glad that came across well. Maybe it can do some justice even if I had trouble explaining the situation itself.

      Its really hard for me to portray this. I’m not even close to experienced in this area, I mean, I’m only 15!

  3. I was stabbed and in a coma for four days so, I know hospital stuff is scary. especially major hospital stuff. Good job and hope austin gets better.

    • Jinx says:

      I’m deathly afraid of surgery because of weird memories from being two and having surgery on my neck for some reason…..anyway I have fear of it.

      I’ve never been to the hospital since then, except once when I (actually my brother) broke my finger, which I thought was a little extreme for a finger being broken. Most of my hospital experiences is from friends and accident prone siblings.

  4. yeah, Im scared of needles. I hate them! I even hate GIVING shots. My mom was a dog breeder and our dogs got parvo, so i gave plenty of shots for me to remember and cringe at. I dont know, I was real messed up for a while after that happened. Its the real reason I took up writing, its a way for me to vent my emotions, this just happened last summer. Im still a little disturbed, all I do is work out and write. I can sort of still smell that weird smell of the hospital. But the are things we can do with the past. We can; nurse it, rehearse it, or curse it, and move on. So, as I said I hope austin gets better, and I will work on my fear of needles! 🙂 .

    • Jinx says:

      I find that writing is a good way to get over stuff. I don’t have anything traumatic in my life, but I use it to vent when I’m frustrated with the drama that girls cause. I actually have a whole book that’s entire purpose it that. It’s surprisingly one of my better works.

  5. Jinx, sweetie, this is Marantha, and I can only tell you this as I sit here typing and trying to see through eyes that are welling and running over with tears, you conveyed the emotions of grief, futility, loss of faith and hope both, despair, agony, and the sense of question as to why it had to happen to her so well that I had tears in my eyes by the third paragraph and running down so fast by the end that I had to keep stopping to remove them so I could finish reading.

    Hon, if you are only fifteen, and you write with this must emotional impact, please, promise me never, ever to turn your back on this gift, even if you have to tuck it safely on a shelf for a time now and then.

    Because if you do turn your back on this gift that God has given you, the world will lose a precious wonder.

    And I am not simply saying this to garner your allegiance or to butter you up, but in naked, down to the bone no holds barred truth.

    You did very well with this story-lette.

    Heaven bless, sweetie.


    • Jinx says:

      Thank-you so much, you have no idea how much that means to me. =)

      We actually heard recently that they were able to put a feeding tube into Austin after all, so he is home and doing better. However he’ll never really recover. :/

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